o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
