god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
