I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
