Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
...so i touched it.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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