There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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