Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I still have a little drunk in my system
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
