i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
