My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
