Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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