i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
