I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
