I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
