I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
