i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
