Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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