I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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