I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
