so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
