I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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