i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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