How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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