Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
