He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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