And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
