You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
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So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
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Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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