they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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