One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
