I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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