So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize