I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
