I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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