have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
