I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Can you bring me the toilet please
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
