my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
