Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize