Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
