I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
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