uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
