It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
