he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
