She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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