Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
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I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
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Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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