I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize