Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
