After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
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I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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