I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Terrible idea I love it
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
