I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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