Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
