Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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