So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
farters have to be the big spoon...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
