We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
