Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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