Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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