You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize