I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
