I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
