i jhust puked up my retainher.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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