I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
All the doctor said was why
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
