Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
