Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize