I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
