i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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