ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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