You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
