i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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