Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
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He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
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Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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