When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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