Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize