Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
