Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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