I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
