Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
