Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
