do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
a search helicopter?!
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
