also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize