I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Terrible idea I love it
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
