the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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