I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
